Sunday, 25 April 2010

The Human Battery

The world is looking for renewable energy sources. My first thought was to link fitness machines, like exercise bikes, to the power grid. You could get fit and get energy credits in return to supplement your gym membership fees. Then I considered converting the energy from trampolines to electricity to get the kids involved. After all, almost every garden seems to have one and young kids are renowned for having lots of excess energy. A great untapped potential.
"Go and play on the trampoline or no telly before bed (literally)".

For the older person, I love the idea of the manual microwave, powered by a special exercise bike attachment. The idea: peddle for two minutes, pause to stir, then peddle again for the remaining cooking time. Allow one minute to get your breath back before serving. A whole new concept in "Meals on Wheels" and it would greatly reduce obesity and improve cardiac health.

But I feel the greatest, lasting energy source not currently being utilised is in the dead. Here's the idea: the first law of thermodynamics states energy can neither be created or destroyed, only tranformed from one state to another. So instead of letting that entropic energy waste away on decomposition, why not use the dead positively to create a 'corpse battery'. Wire up your dead relative and use them for something good. I'm not suggesting we suddenly replace car batteries with dead bodies (the smell would be awful and the additional weight would use more fuel) but maybe wire up graveyards to the national grid. Obviously on health and safety grounds their gates would need to carry a yellow warning sign, shown above, but wouldn't that be funny sight?
"Even in death my wife was still the light of my life, the one beside my bed."

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

The ash cloud bomb

Am I alone in thinking this ash cloud controversy, which grounded planes across the UK recently, was a cover story? Was there perhaps a critical terrorist threat imminent which required the taking of this unprecedented step to close UK and parts of European airspace? Probably not. But this got me thinking.

Here's the idea... Terrorists explode volcanoes across the world and then use wind power to blow the ash cloud into the countries they want to hurt. Suddenly UK armed forces, instead of fighting in Afghanistan, would be on volcano-protection duty across the globe. The UK government then spends billions on anti-volcano measures. This leads to new scientific methods in controlling volcanoes which allows us eventually to colonise other planets. So ultimately terrorism 'would' lead to a new world order, just not on this planet. Wouldn't that be amazing!