Sunday, 21 April 2013
When humans visit somewhere new, they like to bring home little souvenirs as mementos. Dogs do the same but differently.
I visited Portencross today for the first time. It's just along from Seamill. I had fun running along the rocks and on the grass but avoided going in the sea as I'm not keen on the water, above knee level anyway. I had a great day.
I found an unusual pong. I'm not sure what it was but it was dead and wet so I rolled in it to help me remember the day. It was going to be my conversation piece. My friends would sniff me, comment on the aroma and I would regale them with my tales.
Only I think it went on a little heavy and a prolonged Orange Walk left me in the car a little longer than expected on the journey home. The mistress had to roll down the windows (not while the Walk went by - she was terrified they would turn on her like 'Walking Dead' walkers).
As you can see, I didn't get to retain the smell.
So a tip to all my dog friends out there: It's not quantity than matters but subtlety. You don't need to cake your coat when a dab behind the ear will do. Our noses are more powerful than humans so if your master or mistress can smell it, you've gone too far.
The same rule applies to those people that escort the Orange Walk (and I don't mean the Police): the followers that buzz beside the marching musicians like flies around unusual pongs. I shouldn't be able to smell you from behind the windows of a car. Carrying open cans of Special Brew doesn't mask your lack of personal deodorant. Looking scary with your bare-chested tattoos and missing teeth will keep another intelligent human at a distance (somewhere in this sentence is an adjective explaining why it's possible to have a youth version of an Orange Walk) but you might find that there are dogs out there who will try to roll on you as a souvenir. I'm just warning you, it's instinctive.
I would normally be fully in support of any walk but I don't understand the point of the Orange Walk, celebrating victory of a sectarian battle in another country centuries ago. We don't hold marches to remember the Battle of Bannockburn or the last time we had a great national football victory. Perhaps if those whistles and drums had the power of the Pied Piper to draw out all the nutters and then lead them to the sea to be drowned then I could justify all the hold ups to traffic and the noise generated. The police presence would help stragglers from escaping. Eventually we would eradicate the menace that way. Wouldn't that be worth it?
Save our Sunny Saturdays for something nice.