Sunday, 20 November 2016

An Old Dog


Today a stranger called me 'pup'. I've not been called that in a long time. I'm old now, with a grey face to prove it. I enquired at the pet shop if they had any 'Just For Dogs' in brindle. The assistant laughed and suggested I try mixing a few colourants. What a waste of money. If I wanted the 'mud brown' look, I could have rolled in a field of cowpats.

I've also got arthritis. That's mainly why I've not been writing. My joints have been too sore. For a time I was hobbling around on three legs; then I got special medicine, and now the master's got me on cod liver oil to stop my joints clicking. It helps a little but my legs still get shaky after exercise. Licking helps but I keep getting told off about it. Especially in bed.


I've finally achieved my life-long ambition of sleeping every night in a human bed. I've devoted lots of crying and whining late at night until finally, the master and mistress relented. And by that, I mean the mistress.Their bed is big enough for the three of us but I still like a heat so tend to pick a side to warm me, pressing myself against their body. If I share the love on alternate nights they don't get too cranky. A couple of nights ago, I pushed a little too hard to get comfy and the master ended up with his legs on the floor. No wonder he's got a bad back. Maybe he should take cod liver oil too.




My main reason for writing this was to warn all my dog friends about a scam that is being perpetrated by the local estate agents. All across Paisley, they have erected 'For Sale' or 'Coming To Market' signs allegedly selling lamp posts, fences, street signs and patches of grass. Do not be fooled. Not only do you not get exclusivity on the marked object, you also have to buy a house too. I nearly fell for it. I went along for a viewing and was furious when I discovered what was going on. I commented in the middle of the garden and didn't use a poo bag. You don't need one if it's on private property. That's what I think about your despicable behaviour, estate agents. Besides, now I'm old, you said I didn't qualify for a mortgage.



It's just as well I'm settled where I am.